Martin Caldwell always wanted to be a writer. After graduating from Fordham University in 1948 he started writing stories for Men’s Adventure Magazines. He didn’t have any adventures in his life at this point, but he did know how to spin a good yarn. Caldwell’s most celebrated story was published in the May 1953 issue of REAL ADVENTURE. “THE ANTS ATE MY ANUS” tells the horridly exciting tale of an African explorer who, after his plane crashes, has to fight his way through a gantlet of near-death situations; Vicious lions, charging rhinos, hungry cannibals and finally an overly aggressive species of giant ants.
Originally titled “My African Nightmare”, Publisher Mort Davies suggested the slightly more exploitative title, as he felt that with that title on the cover, along with a lurid cover illustration, they would keep the issue flying off the newsstands. And it worked like a charm. Apparently, a lot of people wanted to read about anus eating ants in 1953, as the issue would be the biggest selling single issue in the history of REAL ADVENTURE magazine.
Caldwell would continue to have his stories published for a multitude of men’s magazines into the early seventies including ROOT’N TOOT’N WESTERN TALES, HE MAN ADVENTURES and WAR TIME EXPLOITS, to make up a few.
His stories; MY KOREAN WAR BRIDE DOESN’T LIKE HOT DOGS, THE KING OF HILL 14, MY SECOND CAR IS A M26 PERSHING, I ESCAPED A GERMAN POW CAMP, JUST TO END UP WORKING IN A GERMAN RESTAURANT, THE DAY THE JAPS LANDED AT MAPLE STREET, HIGH SCHOOL DOPE RING and PSYCHO SEX SÉANCE, were popular amongst men’s adventure magazine aficionados, he even sold the latter title, which was made into a sexploitation quickie by producer Dale Everett under his Everett Pictures banner in 1970.
Caldwell made a good living writing for the men’s magazines, but circulation for the form started to peter out in the mid-to late sixties. Along the way he started to write screenplays for movies and television. His first screenplay to come to fruition would be a 1968 comedy based on one of his stories, HOW I DEARLY MISS THE WAR.
PLOT: A fast talking schemer returns from Korea and finds that his life after the war is boring.
Caldwell then struck gold on the little screen when he was asked to write a pilot script for KANGAROO SQUAD 5, an Australian police show, that centered around an elite detective squad working with kangaroos to solve crimes. The show was able to hop around for three years before ending, as multiple kangaroos were killed during production. The Producer floated the idea to the 0-10 Network of replacing the kangaroos with other "guest marsupials", but in the end, everyone felt that it wouldn’t be realistic.
He then sold his first US television series script, IRON LUNG, to the production company, Mark XIV Limited, who specialized in cop shows.
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IRON LUNG was about a detective in confined to an iron lung, who still is able to solve cases with the help of his ambulatory, street wise partner.
THE TOLL PATROL, which was about the lives, loves and change making exploits of a group of New Jersey Turnpike toll operators lasted a scant four weeks before getting the boot due to low ratings.
His final show to make the airwaves was 1979s COPter Guys.
COPter Guys had a three-year run before being grounded due to low ratings.
PLOT: A policeman is assigned to the air patrol unit and is paired up with a helicopter pilot who may be a few rotor blades short. The main gag of the series is that the pilot would have a different type of moustache/beard for each episode, hence each episode was named after a type of beard. THE VAN DYKE and THE CAR STEALERS, THE HANDLEBAR AND THE FOREST FIRE. THE FU MANCHU AND THE CON ARTISTS.
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