In Praise of Bertrum "Bert" Palmer

 

Bertrum “Bert” Palmer was a regional film maker based out of Dallas, Texas.  He is largely forgotten, so we would like to shed some light on his career, brief as it was, to hopefully spark more interest in his work.

During and after high school Palmer worked odd jobs at KTVT, a VHF television station where both his parents were employed. Over the next few years, he learned the ropes while attending a local community college and joined the film society, which opened his eyes to the vast world of cinema.  He then started to write and direct short films with his friends for a few years, and creating these became his passion.

Then in 1972, tragedy struck twice, his mother passed away due to acute Noxzema poisoning.  Distraught with the intense grief over the love of his life, Palmer's father hooked up with a "long in the tooth" burlesque dancer and hit the road to manage her career.

After seeing a rerelease of NIGHT OF THE LIVING DEAD (1968) Palmer was inspired to make his own horror film.

Shot in 16mm on an eighteen-thousand-dollar budget under the title SHOP CLASS PSYCHO, it was made around the same time -Summer of 1973- as its far more famous Lone Star counterpart, THE TEXAS CHAIN SAW MASSACRE (1974). The production went smoothly, and although the film is rough in many aspects—acting, sound, lighting, plot, and direction—Palmer was satisfied with the final result.

PLOT: Students in the eccentric Mr. Carson’s shop class start turning up dead with their skin shaved off with a planer.  Detectives are zeroing in on Mr. Carson as the prime suspect, but could the real culprit be his twin brother, who just escaped from a mental institution?

After completing the film, Palmer tried to land a distribution deal, but naturally, all the offers heavily favored the distributors.  He eventually went with Whitford Film Distributors & Farm Supply, a company that had previously only dealt in pornography and seed drills.  Whitford explained they were aiming to break out of the “porno ghetto” by moving into horror and general action films.  Shortly after Whitford filed bankruptcy and all of their assists, including the SHOP CLASS PSYCHO film negative and a warehouse full of manure spreaders were frozen.  Palmer was distrait and helpless, as he had to wait for things to run their course.

Not letting the delay in the release of SHOP CLASS PSYCHO get him down, Palmer went into production of his second and last horror film.

But before we get to that. . .

Fast forward two years, when in a bankruptcy sale, Forest Farm Equipment purchased all of Whitford's assists including the negative or SHOP CALL PSYCHO along with dozens of porno movie prints.  Forest Farm Equipment wasn't interested in the movie business, so they sold all of the film related materials to Aloysious Films, who struck ten prints of SHOP CLASS PSYCHO, but changed the title to THE PLANO PLANER MASSACRE to jump on the still popular TEXAS CHANSAW MASSACRE.

This was all unbeknownst to Palmer, as the re-titled film never played in Texas and he busy editing stage of his second horror feature THE A CAPELLA MURDERS (1978).

PLOT:  Somebody is killing the not-so-great barber shop quartets of Texas during a weekend jamboree. 

Audience enjoyment might depend on their love for barbershop music, since the film showcases performances of "Ain’t She Sweet," "Coney Island Baby," and four versions of "Oh You Beautiful Doll!"

The featured quartets are The Four Lazy Lads, The Tone Deaf Four and The Four Dill Weeds.

His sophomore effort is stronger in every aspect, with improved direction, performances, and an effective original soundtrack.  

Much like his directorial debut, the release of THE A CAPELLA MURDERS was delayed for two years, and when it finally came out, it was mostly limited to random screenings on double or triple bills and late-night shows.

Feed up and dejected, Bertrum “Bert” Palmer stepped away from the film business, spending a few years drifting before opening and running a successful pest control company, which he managed until his passing in 2017.

In Praise of Chachi and Zsa Zsa De Stephano

 

Chachi and Zsa Zsa De Stephano were a husband and wife Italian production team in the seventies.  They met on the set of the peplum epic SWORDS AND SANDALS (1961), where she was the script girl and he was the sandal wrangler.  Over the ensuing years as their love blossomed, their ranks in the film business started to increase with every film. Cumulating in 1974 when the couple formed Radiant Cut Productions.  

Radiant Cut started small, with a rural sex comedy called UN'INFERMIERA DELLA GRANDE CITTA PUO CURARE I MALI DI UNA PICCOLA CITTA (1974) aka A NURSE FROM THE BIG CITY CAN CURE ALL SMALL-TOWN ILLS, released in English speaking territories as SWEET LOVE’N NURSEY.

PLOT:  In small town in Northern Italy, whose residents have been struggling through a malaise of sorts.  No one is having sex.  No one is amorous or with nary an impure thought. The situation has gotten so dire that the local stud playboy, Aldo, has lost interest in the opposite sex and has taken up gardening.  The town’s mayor calls for an emergency meeting, and they come to the conclusion that the town needs help.  Is it something in the water?  Is it seasonal?  They need answers!  Enter Isabella, a nurse from Rome, who is brought in to help the dispassionate constituents.  Can Isabella use her years of study and feminine charms to upright the citizens?  Adding pep to their step and zip in their beds?  Dear reader, do you really have to ask?

The sensuous nurse was played by Letizia Grassi, who had a few small parts prior to be hired as the lead.  Grassi went on to star as naive young woman who travels to an exotic location to learn the ways of love in IL SUO SETTIMANA IINDIMENTICABILE A POSITANO (1975) aka HER UNFORGETTABLE WEEK IN POSITANO and a sexual thriller called I GUAI ARRIVARONO SUL TRENO (1976) aka TROUBLE ARRIVED ON THE MIDNIGHT TRAIN.

Director Rico Zello went on to direct LIAISONS PERICOLOSE A CAPRI (1976) aka DANGEROUS LIAISONS IN CAPRI and UNO PER TUTTI E TUTTI PER IL SESSO (1979) aka ONE FOR ALL AND ALL FOR SEX.  He transitioned to pornography on the eighties with ORGASMO UOMO aka ORGASM MAN (1981) and I SEGRETI DEL MIO SUCCESSO SESSUALE (1982) aka THE SECRETS OF MY SEXCESS. 

Next up for Radiant Cut, another sexy comedy.   IL PASTAIO E LA SUA PICCOLA POLPETTINA PICCANTER (1975) aka THE PASTA MAKER AND HIS LITTLE SPICY MEATBALL.

PLOT:   Enzo (Ugo Zanussi), known as the best pasta maker in town, finds his reputation at risk when an alluring female pasta maker (Isabella Bellone) opens a shop right across the street from his own.

Ugo Zanussi appeared in many Italian comedies including AVVENTURE EROTICHE DEI TRE SESSUATORI aka EROTIC ADVENTURES OF THE THREE SEXATEERS (1972), IL MONSIGNER E CON L'OCCHIO ERRANTE aka THE MONSIGNOR WITH THE WANDERING EYE (1973) and COSI GIOVANE, COSI ADORABILE, COSI FACILE aka SO YOUNG, SO LOVELY SO EASY (1975).

Isabella Bellone considered herself a serious actress stuck in sexy comedies.  The most serious being DONNE DIPENDENTI DALL'AMORE E GLI UOMINI CHE DESIDERANO aka FEMALE LOVE ADDICTS AND THE MEN THEY CRAVE (1976).  

Director Bruno Mancini made a creepy horror movie called LA CASA DOVE VIVONO SOLO I MORTI (1978) aka THE HOUSE WHERE ONLY THE DEAD LIVE.  He also directed a creepy sex comedy called L'INSEGNANTE VIENE DATA UNA LEZIONE (1979) aka THE FEMALE SCHOOLTEACHER GETS TAUGHT A LESSON BY THE GLEE CLUB.

Encouraged by the results, Radiant Cut purchased a first-class seat on the ever-popular sexy stewardess genre.  LE RAGAZZE CHE FANNO VOLARE L'AEREO aka THE GIRLS WHO MAKE THE AIRPLANE FLY aka SUPER STEW aka A FISTFULL OF STEWARDESSES (rumored, but unconfirmed).

PLOT:  Sandy Surprise is most definitely a super stewardess.  She is never without a welcoming smile to passengers.  She is always at the ready with snack, pillow or earphones.  Sandy is not above dating passengers, but she draws a solid unbreakable line with all airline personal, which drives the cockpit crew green with envy, as they all foam at the mouth for her.  Sandy is also accomplished in the martial arts, shooting (guns, archery, barbs) and cunnilingus.  The first three are used to defend herself and the latter is just for fun.  Though sometimes the first three morph into the latter.  On a red eye flight Sandy hooks up with a handsome and seemingly pleasant businessman for some fun in Rome but instead finds herself in the middle of some good old fashioned international intrigue when the businessman’s business turns out to be bad business.  Always lighthearted in tone, SUPER STEW brings bountiful nudity from its star, along with some high kicking, hard punching, albeit clumsy action sequences.

Radiant Cut's final release would be the fun diamond smuggling crime adventure, DIAMONDS, DIAMONDS, DIAMONDS.  A Turkish co-production that had a healthy budget and great production values.  Filmed in Turkish locations along the Bosporus, Cairo, around the Great Pyramids.  DIAMONDS, DIAMONDS, DIAMONDS turned out to be a worldwide hit, even making the top five films in the United States in its initial release week. . .  It did fall off the charts by the next week.

The three leads all credited under pseudonyms; Marcello Del Gatto under John Smith, Gian Carlo Lombardo as Michael Jones and Rosina Volpe as Brenda Day Hill.  

Marcello Del Gatto was a mainstay on the Italian stage and garages, as he worked as a mechanic to make ends meet.  

Gian Carlo Lombardo appeared in minor roles in Poliziotteschi films like L'ISPETTORE ROSSI AFFRONTA LA MAFIA (1974), aka INSPECTOR ROSSI TACKLES THE MAFIA, IN FUGA DAL PADRINO (1977), aka ON THE RUN FROM THE GODFATHER, and in the comedic spaghetti western TRINITY NON È MAI STATO IL MIO NOME (1970), aka TRINITY WAS NEVER MY NAME.

For Rosina Volpe, this would be her only starring role.  Volpe was mainly used as an adornment for proceedings, tons of non-speaking roles, playing hookers and mafioso's girlfriends was her specialty.  But the De Stephanos saw something more in her and thus offered a starring role for this film.

Directed by Renato Casini under his Humphrey Hinkleberry alias.  The action is plentiful, lively and varied.  Roof top chases, car chases, boat chases, helicopter chases . . . you name a type of pursuit, and it can be found in DIAMONDS, DIAMONDS, DIAMONDS.  There is a plot that rears it’s out from time to time but doesn’t interfere with the chase scenes. 

Chachi and Zsa Zsa De Stephano were interviewed in the April/May 1979 issue of Continental Crap Film Revue. 

Can you tell me about the origins of Radiant Cut’s biggest production, DIAMONDS, DIAMONDS, DIAMONDS?

Chachi:  That was all Zsa Zsa.  There were a lot of movies at the time about diamond smuggling.  The James Bond Film, Diamonds are Forever, being the most popular. . . So, what to do?  Zsa Zsa came up with the idea of the “super diamond” . . . a pure diamond as big as a couch. . . Or a love seat.

ZSA ZSA:  I just adore diamonds, darling.  Diamonds and furs are my two favorite things.  I always dreamed have having the world’s largest diamond.

Chachi De Stephano:  I took that idea, conveyed to our screenwriter Benito De Luca and he came up with everything else.

The movie turned out to be a worldwide hit.  Did this surprise you?

Chachi De Stephano:  Not at all.  One always has hopes and dreams of great success.  We knew that the movie was good.

What was the super diamond made out of?

Chachi De Stephano:  Glass.

Does it still exist?

Chachi De Stephano:  No.  It is long gone.

The De Stephanos dabbled in numerous ventures during this period, including launching a line of men’s cologne and women’s perfume under the brand name “DeScentphano.” The fragrances were praised for their distinctive scent, rumored to spark strong attraction from the opposite sex—and occasionally a stray barnyard animal.  They divorced in 1988.  Zsa Zsa passed away in 1996 after choking on one of the diamonds that she liked to sprinkle over her cereal.  Chachi went on to become a restaurateur.

In Praise of Discovering a New Genre

Who doesn’t love potatoes? 

A plump baked potato topped with butter, sour cream, and bacon bits, crispy French fries, curly fries, and waffle fries. Tater tots and Scalloped.  Are just the tip of the potatoberg.  

No, we haven't changed into a food blog.

There are as many exploitation genres as there are potato dishes: Blaxploitation, Sexploitation, Biker, Horror, Martial Arts, Juvenile Delinquent, Mondo, Spaghetti Westerns, Ozploitation, Slasher, Gore, Au Gratin… Wait, that last one’s a potato dish—but you get the idea.

There is a exploitation genre for everyone, and we have found another to add to the list. . .

Yes, a heretofore unknown marriage of exploitation and the popular vegetable.

We first encountered this odd hybrid in this 1971 advertisement.

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The crazy thing is that this double bill played for ten weeks at Sacramento's Towne theater.  Unbelievable!  

PLOT: Jennie, who just graduated from jailbait, becomes the third wife of an older, well-off potato farmer.  Soon bored with his potato centric lifestyle, she starts frequenting the local bar, enjoying the company of both men and women. Before long, she’s stirred up enough drama to turn the quiet little town into its own version of Peyton Place… or maybe Potato Place.

Taking its cues from Russ Meyer's 1968 hit VIXEN!, VIXEN WITH THE RUSSET POTATOES serves up a hearty helping of starchy sexploitation.

I AM CURIOUS (REMARKA) is a documentary exploring the alleged sexual benefits of potatoes, featuring interviews with doctors, a somewhat dubious scientist, and people who regularly eat them and claim they enhance their sex lives. The film also visits a nude mashed potato encounter group and delves into the history of ancient tuber-based courting rituals from various cultures around the world.

Even more unbelievable is that the spudsploitation genre extended to Kiddie Matinees.

THE SWEET POTATO PRINCE, described as "The story of a boy who turns into a side dish," had theatrical showings only in California, Arizona, New Mexico, and Texas between 1968 and 1971, before fading into obscurity until we recently rediscovered it.

PLOT: While playing in the forest with his friends, young Johnny wanders into a cave, where he meets a talking snail with magical powers. Soon, he finds himself in a whimsical, animated enchanted land, where he befriends the Sweet Potato Prince.

Judging by the rare poster they we unearthed, VIXEN WITH THE RUSSET POTATOES contains enough of the good stuff to make Mr. Potato Head blush.

Never in a million years did we think we’d be diving into a genre called Spudsploitation, but when exploring the deepest recesses of exploitation, you never know what you might unearth.

Here is a Mexican lobby card for THE SWEET POTATO PRINCE that recently was auctioned off at Christie's for 800,000 pounds . . .  of potatoes.

In Praise of Sexploitation on Christmas

Sexploitation stops for no man or holiday!

A LETCH IN TIME (1972) tells the tale of two hapless guys who cook up a plan to get lucky. One takes on the role of a creepy voyeur, frightening unsuspecting women straight into the seemingly comforting arms of the other.

In sexploitation circles 1968 is known as the "Year of the Naughty Western", as three were released.  BRAND OF SHAME and HOT SPUR are the most well-known.  RAW RIDE is the third.

Fed up and disgusted about how they've been treated, saloon girls decide to take matters into their own hands, cleverly playing both the Mexican bandidos and a diminutive, yet vicious town boss against each other.

A MINX FOR ALL SEASONS (1969).  At a dull New Year’s Eve party, Lola shares four stories from her love life over the past year.  Cue flashbacks.

12 DAYS OF SEXMAS (1971) in this ribald holiday farce, a small-town department store Santa spreads seasonal cheer to single mothers and divorcees, while a feminist Grinch stirs up trouble for our hero.

 

In Praise of the Clones of Bruce Lee Part VII: Booze Lee

 

It was inevitable that one Bruce Lee Clone would slip through our cracks.

Booze Lee is a mystery to us.  

His co-star, James "Blunt Force" Chang, is also a mystery. 

1978 saw the release of the original DRUNKEN MASTER.  Directed by Yuen Woo-Ping, the comedy was a massive success which help propel Jackie Chan to stardom.  

And with every massive success, the inevitable sequels and rip-offs followed closely behind.

DRUNKEN MASTER VERSUS THE HONG BONG KID played minimal dates in Honolulu, Seattle San Francisco and New York in 1980.  

The film follows two young fighters training with their masters; both teachers have seen better days.  The elder drunken master is an irritable curmudgeon, permanently soused on endless barrels of rice wine.  The elder bong master lazily instructs his pupil from the heavy haze of opium smoke.  

In the end we have an epic battle between drunken style and stoned style.  We won't give away the ending, just pour yourself a stiff one or fill a bowl, sit back and enjoy.

In Praise of Another Movie Company

 

Buddy Garfield was always quick with a joke.  A gregarious fellow who had worked as a sub distributor out of the Carolinas for years.  He even kept his sense of humor when he named his new film production company.

Another Movie Company was based out of Charlotte, North Carolina and was formed mainly for its releases to play the thriving Southern Drive-in circuit.  The Carolinas had over a hundred ozoners alone and Buddy wanted to make the most of it.  He knew from experience that he could just make a profit playing the Southern states and that all other playdates would be thick, tasty gravy.  Another Movie Companies’ first release was a Southern fried moonshine sex comedy called SHANTY TOWN SWEETHEARTS (1970). 

The script was written by Garfield, his wife Ginny, and credit was also given to their parrot, Larry, but Larry just repeated what they said.  The film was directed by Carter Ramsey, who would be the house director for all of AMC’s filmed output.  Carter Ramsey had been around the film business, basically since his birth.  He was calling for F-stop readings before he could walk.  His father, Buddy, worked for D.W Griffith as a cross wrangler.  As a grown man Ramsey directed driver safety films for the Carolina Highway Patrol like; RUN A RED... YOU’LL END UP DEAD (1963), DEADLY PILE-UP ON HWY 501 (1964), LEADFOOT LOUIE:  THE SCOURGE OF THE ROAD (1965) and CRIMSON STAINED ROADWAYS (1966).  The Garfield’s teenage daughter would be scared shitless when she viewed these films in school, describing them to her parents, prompted them to arrange a screening, and after getting over their newly discovered deathly fear of getting anywhere near a moving vehicle, they set up a meeting with Ramsey.

Janene and Clarabelle are the sweet hearts of Shanty Town.  Pervis is the overall clad, clubfooted town weirdo who spies on the woman folk and also carries around a pair of beets.  Joe-Bob claims to be a preacher, and he does preach from the good book that seems to be glued to his hand, but he doesn’t necessary practice what he preaches.  Big Red is a violent, ornery, perpetually soused beet farmer, who spends half of his time trying to hook up with the sweethearts and the other half trying to keep Pervis away from his beets.

The film was a huge success in the South, running for well into the eighties at drive ins. It also gave rise to the catchphrase “Hold On to Your Beets!”, which became a favorite saying below the Mason-Dixon line, joining others like “The South’s Gonna Rise Again,” “Sock It to Me,” and “Leggo My Eggo.” 

When Democratic presidential candidate George Wallace was shot on May 15^th, 1972, in an assassination attempt, reportedly Wallace’s first words were, “Hold onto your beats”.

Next up was a Nature Run Amuck film called SIDEWINDER HORROR! (1971).  AFC went on location to Taos, New Mexico for this well remembered killer snake film.

PLOT:  Past A-bomb testing has turned the indigenous sidewinder population more aggressive.  They slither amuck through the town, taking over every nook and cranny, and biting every kid and granny.

The best scene has the sidewinders converge on and attack the residents of an old folk's home.

The star of the film was Itzhak Lowenstein, whose birth name was Roger Cohen, making him the only Jewish performer to change his stage name to something more Jewish sounding.  He previously had a small role in coming-of-age comedy called A LITTLE OF THIS, A LITTLE OF THAT (1968).

In 1975 AMC Co-Billed SIDEWINDER HORROR! with two other killer snake flicks, SERPENT INFERNO and SSSSSSSINISTER as a “Giant Snake-A-Thon”, this triple bill proved to be popular and would slink across screens into the late seventies.

 

SERPENT INFERNO was a re-title of the Taiwan lensed THE SNAKE CHARMERS REVENGE (1973).

PLOT: An old loner who is forced to live on the outskirts of town due to the constant harassment from the townspeople, raises an army of snakes in which he plans to unleash on the town that shunned him.

SERPENT INFERNO is a wild film featuring thousands of snakes and dozens of violent snake attacks.

The viewer feels no empathy for the townsfolk as there is not a one who treated the old loner with any dignity or compassion.

SSSSSSSINISTER (1974) involves a cult of snake worshippers and a family who tries to rescue their daughter from the jaws of the cult.

AMC’s last release was the IN THE BUFF (1976).  A lackluster comedy about the streaking fad, that streaked out of theaters after minimal play dates.  The film does hold the record for showcasing the greatest amount of butt cheeks to ever grace a non-pornographic movie screen.

PLOT:  James and Laura have hit a rough spot in their marriage.  The excitement of their early years as lovebirds has dismissed year by year and they are now mired in a rut.  A boring rut at that.  They decide that becoming streakers will add the excitement that they need.  They soon find that they are not alone, as it seems that the entire town is joining them on their streaking expeditions.

In Praise of Transcontinental International Pictures - Part V: THE VROOM VROOM GANG

 

Way back when we covered Transcontinental International Pictures final biker film THE HOSPITABLE 8 (1971).  We now take a look at their first foray into the genre. 

The outlaw biker film was big in the sixties.  Maybe not Beatles big . . . Or Rolling Stones big . . . But definitely Spanky and Our Gang big.  

Roger Corman’s THE WILD ANGELS sparked the biker film craze in 1966, becoming a huge hit. The following year, TIP hopped on the budding trend with THE VROOM VROOM GANG, joining an already crowded lineup of biker flicks like DEVIL’S ANGELS, THE GLORY STOMPERS, HELL’S ANGELS ON WHEELS, and THE REBEL ROUSERS.

The movie follows the exploits of gang of hog riding neanderthals whose favorite pastimes include bar fights, gang rapes and bringing drunk and disorderly to new levels of debauchery.  Including an incredible muddy, bloody brawl at a swamp buggy race.

Filmed on a $130,000 budget in Tampa and Naples, Florida, THE VROOM VROOM GANG was a major success for TIP, prompting the company to release five more biker films. While it didn’t match the output of American International Pictures, it far exceeded that of Janus Films.

Director Albert Lewis began his career by directing industrial films and editing adult features. He eventually transitioned to television, directing dozens of shows and earning a reputation as the go-to director for "Evil Twin" episodes, having directed eleven of them so far.

Bo Brenner, who played Pretty Boy, appeared in a few episodes of Flipper and Gentle Ben before transitioning to a career as an acting teacher.

Joe Joe Bauer had a bright future as a race car driver until a dipstick injury brought his career to a halt. He then ventured into acting, but aside from THE VROOM VROOM GANG and two nudie cuties, TO BE NUDE IS TO BE FREE (1963) and SUNDRENCHED LOVERS (1964), his acting career sputtered out—without the help of a dipstick this time.

TIP's Klark Kincaid was a drinking buddy with someone high up in the General Mills, Inc. organization, so he was able to have the food company release a limited tie-in cereal for the VROOM VROOM GANG. 

Both the movie and the cereal were long forgotten until . . .